The Dirty T-Shirt Party

A couple years ago, when Dave turned forty, we decided to throw a theme-based birthday party. We thought having a dirty t-shirt party sounded like a lot of fun. And by dirty we meant wholly inappropriate. Like really offensive. No holds barred, if you will.

Everybody got into it. Some people ordered their shirts at t-shirt hell or cafepress. I ordered two of my four shirts from Cafepress because I liked their custom design option. One of my custom t-shirts said It’s all about Dave (because really, there are 364 other days that are all about me). Another of my custom t-shirts said I can drink you whores under the table because hello? I said wholly inappropriate and really offensive, remember? I should probably point out that I drank absolutely no one under the table at the dirty t-shirt party because two weeks before, I’d had a hangover of such colossal magnitude that I wasn’t yet back on the sauce. I told Dave I wouldn’t drink so he could let loose but it was really because I couldn’t fathom the thought of drinking alcohol.

Here’s Dave on the left, wearing his Gimme A Drink, Fuckass t-shirt (click on any picture to enlarge). His other t-shirt says I Think You’re Pretty. Pretty Fucking Stupid. Mark is standing next to Dave in the picture on the right. He’s holding his Pimp glass and was thoughtful enough to bring Dave one that said Playa. Mark took the t-shirt idea one step further by dressing as a Des Moines east sider complete with mullet wig and sandals worn with socks.

Since I was stone cold sober, I took pictures as everyone arrived. I took two pictures; one of the guest wearing the t-shirt and then just a close up of the t-shirt so we could capture what it said. These are two of my favorites.

Amy had one of the best shirts of the night. Are we clear on what queefing is? Everybody?

I ♥ that Stacy wore a t-shirt letting everyone know how she feels about cameltoe. And be careful because her husband Tim has a big “you-know-what.”

Tom gets the award for best t-shirts. And I love that he was so into the idea that one t-shirt was not enough.

Here’s me in two of my four t-shirts. I’m especially partial to the Crack Whore one because I am just that classy. My friend Lisa is standing next to me wearing a t-shirt that says, in really small letters, Nosy Little Fucker, Aren’t You?

I don’t even have a penis and yet I almost want my own Rock Out With Your Cock Out t-shirt like my friend Ben. His wife Kerri’s t-shirt is a perfect choice because her boobs are real and we’ve all seen them. Multiple times. Usually when drinking. In fact, we saw ’em that night. Sometimes when I’m talking to someone about Kerri I’ll say, “You know, my friend Kerri with the boobs?” I kinda love that about Kerri.

There are many more pictures of that night and some of them didn’t make it onto this blog post simply because there isn’t room for them all. Also, even though I wasn’t drinking and should be able to take a simple photo, you can’t see the writing clearly in all of them.

We had a really fun night celebrating Dave’s birthday. If you’re thinking about throwing your own theme party this summer, consider the dirty t-shirt party.

I guarantee you’ll have a good time.