Oops, we peed our pants

Dave and I have an almost uncanny ability to align ourselves with people who own lake houses (it’s a gift really). We’re lucky the people who own the homes are such great friends and that they keep inviting us for the weekend. We’ve had a lot of fun, and some very memorable experiences with them. The great adult diaper caper was one of those times.

In the summer of 2001, Tom, Amy, Dave, and, I joined Ed and Angie at their vacation home on Lake Panorama. Everyone brought their kids and we spent the day swimming and hanging out on the dock.

We had an idea we’d been tossing around for awhile, usually when we were full of beer. We thought wearing an adult diaper would be an ingenious solution to the problem of having to actually get off our asses and find a bathroom, especially if there was a really long line somewhere. For example, a diaper would have come in really handy at the Elton John concert because Tom and I wouldn’t have been stuck waiting for a port a potty when Elton sang Tom’s favorite song. I think the diaper idea really picked up some steam after that.

The weekend at Angie and Ed’s lake house must have seemed like an ideal time for the experiment because the guys brought home some adult diapers when they went on a beer run. We decided we’d put the kids to bed and see how much beer we, and our diapers, could hold.

I was the last one out on the deck because Matthew didn’t want to go to bed. By the time I got outside, everyone was already diapered and drinking. Adult diapers are held on by a belt that comes in the package. There was only one belt though, and 6 of us, so they improvised by using duct tape. They left the belt for me because they had some crazy idea that I am such a princess I wouldn’t agree to the duct tape (they were right).

The rules of the experiment stated you had to keep your diaper on until you peed. I drank a huge quantity of beer and felt like I was going to explode. But when it was time to pee, I couldn’t do it. Sure, I pee my pants all the time now but it’s totally on accident and usually caused by a wayward sneeze or a laughing attack when I’m plowed on wine. But during the experiment I could not make the pee pee come out for a really long time. By the time I finally relaxed my bladder enough to let it fly I had about a pony keg’s worth in there. My diaper completely and totally failed me. It weighed about 4 lbs. when I removed it and we took turns holding it with one hand and laughing about how heavy it was.

Well, we got that out of our system I guess. Let me share with you what we learned:

Adult diapers aren’t meant to hold very much. Adult diapers are not at all comfortable when they’re full. This experiment will never be repeated. When we‘re old every single one of us will NEED diapers because I believe in Karma.

We still talk about that weekend at the lake. It was one of many we enjoyed at Ed and Angie‘s house. This summer we’re planning on going to Tom and Amy’s lake house (see, all our friends have one). I think it’s time for a new experiment. I’ll let you know what we come up with.