Re-post Wednesday

So my friend Tay and her friend Ney started a new blog called Oh So Cheesy. You can read it if you click here.

That’s right. A whole freaking blog dedicated to the yum that is cheesy pasta. Now that Tay and Ney have started their blog, I’ll have no shortage of macaroni and cheese recipes to choose from.

Taylor asked me if she could link to the post where I called Ina Garten the devil. At first I couldn’t find it and I was all wtf happened to my Ina post? Then I remembered it had some *cough*yeti*cough* info in it and it was part of the big Yeti purge.

So I found it, edited it, and voila!

Here you go Taylor!

P.S. Everybody make Mac ‘n Cheese for dinner, ‘K?

The other day, when the offspring and I were browsing the shelves at Barnes and Noble, I noticed a stack of Ina Garten cookbooks. I love Ina, and I love her show on the Food Network, The Barefoot Contessa. I decided to add two of her cookbooks to the already heavy pile of books in my arms because I’ve been looking for some new recipes.

I noticed when I was flipping through them that she had a recipe for Cosmopolitans. I liked the fact that her recipe was for a whole pitcher of cosmopolitans because I’m lazy and Ina’s method seemed preferable to having to mix drinks up one by one.

Anyway, we invited Trish over for dinner last night. We were making baby back ribs on the grill, roasted potatoes, and salad. “This would be a perfect time to try out Ina’s recipe,” I thought. The recipe makes six and Trish and I can each have three which is a perfectly respectable amount, right? (No, stupid). The ribs take quite a while so I thought Trish and I could sip one or two while we were waiting for dinner to be ready.

Anyway, back to the cosmopolitans and why I think Ina is a drunk.

Usually I just follow the recipe on the back of the bottle of Cointreau (just like Bethenny Frankel of The Real Housewives of New York except I’m not trying to pass them off as my own original drink. Maybe no one else has noticed your blatant rip-off, but I’m onto you Bethenny).

The recipe I follow is 1 part cointreau to 2 parts vodka, cranberry juice, and fresh lime juice. I usually use 1 shot of vodka and a 1/2 shot of cointreau, cranberry juice, and extra lime juice. These measurements keep me from getting totally spun out and doing something stupid. Usually. Most of the time.

Anyway, that’s not important. And even though Ina Garten is the devil I am going to admit that I was a complete fucktard for not using any common sense whatsoever. Because I was completely sober when I was mixing up the pitcher, it should have occurred to me that Ina really, really likes vodka. A lot.

Check out her recipe:

Do you notice anything? Like the fact that the recipe calls for two cups of vodka and one cup of cointreau? That’s a shitload of liquor, people (I realize this is not a very good scan and the words are kind of blurry but I’m not messing with the scanner anymore because my head still feels like there are little men in there pounding my brain with jackhammers).

Back to last night. I had only drank drunk consumed about half of my first drink when I started having to speak slowly and really concentrate on what was coming out of my mouth. That seemed odd to me. Also my lips felt tingly. Trish said, “Hey, these are pretty good!” I said, “I know!” We moved on to our second round. An hour or two later, after finishing our delicious rib dinner, Dave said “I think you should just have a beer next.” And I’m all “Why would I have a beer when I’ve got these martinis?” Duh.

Dave put me, and the offspring, to bed at 9:00 which is why I’ve come up with a few other names for Ina Garten’s cosmopolitans: Memory Erasers, Hospital Grade Anesthesia Cocktails, and Dude, I Can’t Remember My Middle Name.

Consider this blog post a cautionary tale. Others may have recently bought this cookbook and they might be thinking about making what Ina calls a cosmopolitan and what I call fucking rocket fuel. I’m just trying to help others learn from my mistake.

You’re welcome.

One thought on “Re-post Wednesday